I can't sleep

On my birthday I tried to do a recollection of things and I deleted the posts and then resorted to whatever it was I resorted to.
Here's the thing: Christmas is coming and it's just going to be Jay and my mom and me and that fucking sucks. And how is it that over two years have passed since my dad died. Where is my dad? I want my dad back. It's just totally unfair and a tremendous rip off and I can't believe that this will be the third Christmas that he's not here.
Also. I have been mulling over this random email that Squishy sent me months ago about being able to change things that you didn't think you were able to change. And I thought (inferred, really) that she was talking about herself. And yes, she probably was - to some extent - but it stuck in my psyche and I know she's right and that I should really choose the path of righteousness and learn the way of the Jedi and fight all the dark temptations. I was going to ramble on with a "but" except that there ought not to be a "but" and I should just really shape up, full stop.
Cause that's fun.
Fundamentally, this is the best thing that happened today. And possibly for a long while, but definitely for today. I woke up after having no shortage of absolutely ludicrous dreams and Michael made coffee and breakfast which was a choice between bagels and Life cereal with loads of oranges and pamplemousse on the side and, after I ate my cereal, standing in my underwear and an Ironman t-shirt I declared "I love Life; there's just something about it that's so good".
It was classic.
So. Your well-wishes have not fallen on deaf ears, Squishy. On more than one level.
Also, I have had too much cake.
Peace out.