What the authors of Sex at Dawn believe—and what I think they prove—is that we
are a naturally nonmonogamous species, despite what we've been told for
millennia by preachers and for centuries by scientists, and that is why so many
people have such a hard time remaining monogamous over the long haul. I'm not
saying that everyone everywhere has to be nonmonogamous; the authors of Sex at
Dawn don't make that argument either. (Lots of monogamists, however, do run
around insisting that everyone everywhere should be monogamous—and proscriptive
monogamists get a pass because, hey, they mean so well and wouldn't it be nice
if everyone were?)
The point is this: People—particularly those who value monogamy—need to understand why being monogamous is so much harder than they've been led to believe it will be. In some cases, this understanding may help people find the courage to seek out nonmonogamous relationships and/or arrangements and/or allowances that make them—gasp!—happier and make their relationships more stable, not less, as a routine infidelity won't doom their marriage/civilunion/commitment/slavecontract/whatever. But understanding that monogamy is a struggle for most people—and being able to be honest with our partners about experiencing it as a struggle—may actually help some people remain monogamous.
I would like to check that book out.
Tiger's not doing so well at St. Andrews today.
I am going for bike ride number two. Michael says there will be treats involved.
3 comments:
Sigh. I just don't get it. I think love with one person is to be highly respected and is rewarding. I absolutely feel nothing for others other than the one I love - nothing, zip, nada - no matter how hot or engaging they might be. One love is enough for me. I only wish it was the same for most men. I believe that women are better able to be with just one person although there are also some tarts out there who will bang another, but if that's the case, then it isn't love with the one you are with. I know I simplify it somewhat but really, why is loving only one deemed to be so unnatural? I think it's beautiful and highly rewarding. I just wish I could find a man who thought the same way. Big sigh.
Wish I could come and hang with you on your balcony - not literally - and talk and talk and talk over a bottle of damn good wine.
..and smoke....
I agree with M, I think it's harder for men. But I also think most men are flirts and enjoy harmless flirting. It's trouble when they run up against that 'tart' who makes them put their money where their mouth is, so to speak. I also found that when a monogamous couple has trouble and splits up for a bit they learn how truly valuable their relationship really was. I just spent two weeks talking and drinking good wine and watching others smoke.... it was a good break.
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