Feeling a bit out of sorts when she gets home, she decides to go for a run. Unfortunately her iPod playlist is leaning a bit towards the heavy side with some Rage Against the Machine, Nine Inch Nails and Linkin Park.
When a new, preppy Volvo coupe beeps at her while trying to make a left hand turn (she has the little white man), she comes to a complete stop in the middle of the intersection and turns to face the car.
Everything seems to slow down, to come into focus. Colors seem brighter, she can hear the birdsong in the bushes behind the bus stop where a few spectators waiting for the #246 are watching with a mixture of shared rage and apathy. She feels a light breeze against her bare legs and the trickles of sweat that slip down her neck and pool at the base of her spine. She steps towards coupe and something about the fact that it has tinted windows enrages her even further. It's a fucking Volvo for Christ's sake.
She knows, even as she peers in through the windshield, what she is going to find and she is correct: it is a man in his late thirties with an arrogant, harried air and perfect hair and expensive designer glasses who does not anticipate it when she slams her hands down on the hood of his car as hard as she can and screams "I'm trying to cross the street!".
Maddy hears the hum of the engine change as he slides it from drive to park and he climbs out of his car, blocking the intersection totally. He is screaming at her even as he emerges from the leather clad, air conditioned interior and she takes in his dress pants, his crisp shirt and the blue striped tie that he has loosened for his commute home.
"What the fuck are you doing, you stupid cunt?!" he screams at her.
She watched a CBC document on civility the other day, and she doesn't think that his use of the four letter C word is very civil, so she advances quickly, kickboxing the driver door shut so hard that he literally jumps back, but he's still not entirely scared of her because, after all, she's only a girl.
She feels how tense her body is, how ready she is for this. She revels in the fact that he has no idea what's coming and, in fact, it turns her on a little bit, like the time Ryan came into her office and wanted her to cut the tag out of his shirt and so he pulled it up a bit, exposing a vast expanse of soft skin covering his obliques and she held the scissors in the air for a few moments too long as she smelled the sultry scent of his body wash and was overcome with a crazy urge to press her mouth against his skin and lick and taste and smell him.
It's not until she conjures up a fireball between her hands - which are rather salty from all the sweat she had been swiping from her temples and the back of her neck, and a bit sticky from the gel that she consumed (she's never been able to have one without getting some modicum of it all over her hands) - that he shows any fear. But when she thrusts it in all it's fiery glory in his direction and it plows into his chest, sending him staggering against his car, his eyes become as round as saucers.
There is utter silence from the bus stop for a few moments and then she hears someone mutter "What the...".
With the driver of the Volvo supine on the ground, Maddy gets into his car, locks the doors and changes the radio station to 105.7.
"What are you doing, Maddy?" the Big Head says. The Big Head is her guide and her protector and he is legally obligated to appear every time she uses her Powers, based on section 7G of the "Use of SuperNatural BC Powers" agreement that she has signed. In addition to being able to create and lob fireballs, she can also stop time and become invisible which she is pretty pleased with. Others have crappier Powers like the ability to erase people's memories, to adjust restaurant bills to 50% of their original price, and to effortlessly remove Windows Vista from home operating systems and replace it with Windows OS7 (which is better, but not that much). Okay, one guy can fly and she's a bit jealous of that, but he's pigeon-toed so it all kind of balances out.
"I'm sorry, Head," Maddy says dejectedly, turning down the A/C because the sweat is drying on her skin and she's starting to get a chill.
"You're going to have to think fast to get out of this one," he advises her.
"I know," she sighs. "Can you remind me: if I invoke my invisibility does it make the car invisible too, or just me?"
"Just you, Maddy," Head replies.
"I've never been clear on the invisibility-"
Head interjects: "Not this goddamn convo again. You, Maddy. You and everything on your person becomes invisible."
"But-"
"The car isn't on your person! You're in the car!"
"Okay. Look, I'm sorry but I've just been under a bit of stress lately..."
"Don't fireball your boss, Maddy," Head chides.
"I won't," Maddy agrees, pulling the Volvo down a side street and then spilling the Caramel Macchiato that was in the cup holder all over the floor, and grabbing the Blackberry that is stowed in the console. After a few minutes she's able to find the number she wants and dials it.
"Hi babe, where are you?" a female voice answers.
"Oh... god..." Maddy groans. "I just fucked him and it was so wonderful." She hangs up and climbs out of the car, becoming invisible and effortlessly sauntering the few blocks back to her apartment.
"Did he really deserve all that?" Head asks, softly.
"Yes. Drivers need to always be aware of pedestrians in intersections; especially when they have the walk signal," Maddy responds.
At home she showers and changes into a pair of jeans that show off her ass and a low cut top. She calls her friend Beatrice and says, "Hey, let's go use your Powers to get 50% off at the bar. I want to get right pissed."
1 comment:
LOVE IT! Please tell me this is your Autobiography. She's my idol.
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