So I've been here before. Doing the thing where the sole summation of who I am is based upon the perception of someone that knows me rather topically. Allowing my happiness and the idea of who I am as a person to be determined by someone who doesn't know my middle name, where I was born or what my eye color is.I stupefy myself sometimes (often).
There are people that would be all too happy to step in to my life and shoulder my problems. I mean, let's break it down: my day consisted of sleeping until 10:30; running 13 miles in the sun; going for coffee; watching an Ingrid Bergman movie; drinking nice wine; eating nice cheese; all while lamenting that I'm not being paid enough attention to.
I have a four day work week. I have all my teeth. My mortgage is less than what I make in a year. My car is paid for. I have loads of friends and I'm on good terms with my family.
Cor. I'm such a petulant fuck, and for this I apologize.
It's easy to become complacent and to take for granted all the extravagant things that are available to me in my day to day life. I need to be more cognisant of that.
I need, also, to somehow coax some semblance of self-esteem into existence so that I can have the confidence in myself that I can do and accomplish the things that I want to in life, instead of relying on the fleeting (and insincere) compliments of others.
It's funny. I never used to care about what anyone thought of me ten years ago. I can't fathom why I give a shit now.
So fuck off.
But please love me in the process.
4 comments:
This sounds like me. We're in the same orbit, just different cuisine cultures.
Yes. I don't like nachos. The sushi here is pretty good, though.
Are we all writing essentially the same posts right now? What the hell is that about? Some Moon phase thing?
You're pretty. I like turtles.
Maybe we are all about to get our period.
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