I have to review this book on my own because Book Club almost banned me when I mentioned that I was reading it

I don't know what the name is of the actor that plays "Edward Cullen" in "Twilight". I am so uninterested in knowing that I won't take the five seconds to look it up. That women (not just teens, but full grown women) are going bat shit for him is just mind boggling.
Like: he's not actually a vampire. He doesn't love you. He is based on a character in a book that is also mythical because... well, vampires aren't real.
People are actually visiting Forks in the state of Washington because they're insane.
This is a number one selling book?
I'm pulling my hair out as I write this. I am just so despondent that this is what is raking in the dough and titillating the masses.
It's a Harlequin Romance with a vampire twist and instead of pages of anticipation leading up to the orgasmic, writhing and lascivious sex, we have pages of them talking and her literally swooning when he kisses her and the tension that we are privy to is of him trying not to lose his mind and bite her.
It's somewhat redolent of that pain in the ass, waste of time book (which is actually - I kid you not - being made into a movie staring Julia Roberts) "Eat, Pray, Love" in the sense that the ego is running rampant here, but in a subtle way. EPL was some dingbat's quest to find herself after a failed marriage. She actually finds herself on, oh, page one of the book, but takes you a long for the ride so she can relay to you how zen and focused she is. And how beautiful. And she finds a new beau: isn't that was self-exploration is all about?
Twilight is subtly ego based in that Meyer's just can't stop describing how beautiful and perfect the Cullen's are. Especially Edward. Edward is just so utterly perfect that Bella reverts from a fairly rational and independent main character into a salivating idiot, incapable of any thought process that doesn't include Edward and how unworthy she is of him.

Well, look at me," I said, unnecessarily as he was already staring. "I'm absolutely ordinary - well, except for bad things like all the near-death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you."
I waved my hand toward him and all his bewildering perfection.

I almost threw the book off the balcony when I read that little gem. The only thing Meyer could have done to make the heroine even more pathetic would have been to put her in a wheelchair or maybe have her be blind and missing a leg while feebly trying to look after her aging and abusive mother.
Seriously. Bella has trouble hiking and running without falling. She's a "magnet" for bad occurrences. You know what people like that are called? Stupid and naive.
So she's stupid, naive, self-effacing and can barely walk a straight line (and mutters - they both do - things that she doesn't want to say out loud but really wants him to hear). Wow! Let's just revert back to Grade 7 and start passing notes that say "Do you like me? Yes/No" on them. What can I say: my notes inevitably came back with the "No" box ticked. And I think that if I were exceptionally good looking I would possibly be less resentful of this book.
Furthermore, it's a fact that attractive people are more successful because why would you hire a plain person when you can hire someone that you enjoy looking at all day. Which is why I have to go to work on Wednesday and Do The Thing I Don't Want To Do as I am more like Janine Garofolo and much, much less like Giselle Bundchen.
Anyways, while not having sex (because he thinks it will be so intense that he won't be able to control his own strength and his other desire and he will accidentally kill her) there is mention of vampires marrying.
Of course there is! Meyers married at 21 and is a Mormon and she "acknowledges that her faith has influenced her work... and steers her work from subjects such as sex, despite the romantic nature of the novels. Meyer says that she does not consciously intend her novels to be Mormon-influenced, or to promote the virtues of sexual abstinence and spiritual purity, but admits that her writing is shaped by her values".
Ya think?
"Some of the strongest criticism comes from feminists who consider Meyer an anti-feminist writer, pointing out that Bella's entire life revolves around Edward, and that she is never in control; she is absolutely dependent on Edward’s ability to protect her life, her virginity, and her humanity.
Meyer has dismissed such criticisms, arguing both that the books center around Bella's choice, and that her damsel in distress persona is due only to her humanity."
Please. Re-read the last statement. "Her damsel in distress persona is due only to her humanity."
Go get a cup of tea. Think about it for a moment. Roll is over on your tongue. Mull it over in your mind.
I'm a female human.
I first interpreted this comment to mean that, by nature of our humanity, women are damsels in distress and then I thought wait! this isn't the 1950's - that can't possibly be what she means! Dig deeper!
I now interpret this comment to mean that her persona is due only to her humanity as juxtaposed with Edward's otherworldly existence.
That's worse.
Why would you want to love someone when you are continually wondering why they are with you, they endanger your life by their very existence and somehow you require them to ceaselessly bail you out of sticky (self-induced) situations, and they make you feel inferior on a constant basis.
Well done, Meyers.
Now get in the kitchen and bake me a pie.