The Bane of Cooking

There is a bake sale this Thursday at my work, the funds of which will go to United Way. I volunteered my services which is interesting because I have salad from a bag and tuna from a can for lunch most days, and for dinner today I had tomato soup and rice crackers. Oh, and brandy (it was called for in the cookie recipe).
Right. What happened when I tried to make "Brandy Snaps" at the Joy of Cooking's behest? I'm just grateful I didn't get hurt. Did I mention I only have one oven mitt?
I think the ratio of butter to sugar was off. The recipe said something about rolling balls with the mix and so I gamely plunged my hands into the pot and it was just really a tasty, soupy mess. So I licked it off my fingers for a lengthy period of time and thought, "I bet some people would pay money to watch this live... probably they would be from Japan" and then I added more flour. And more flour. And ate more raw Brandy Snap goodness and tried to bake them but that just didn't work out (not to mention the fact that you're supposed to - before they cool completely - wrap them around the handle of a wooden spoon because they're curls not cookies, damnit).
Then I started to feel bad because in addition to being unmarried, childless, uneducated and living alone I can't bake a batch of cookies and then I thought: hey, I don't suck at everything. Yeah. I'm pretty sure there are things that I do deftly and with aplomb on occasion.
One time? I held the ladder for my dad while he dangled precariously down the chimney and he instructed me that my job was to call 911 if something went awry. I felt pretty special that day. Integral.
I was gettin' 'er done.