That's what my dad said to my brother once. It was hilarious because my brother was like twelve at the time and was (and still is) a beanpole.
I still can't believe my father isn't around. Tomorrow will be three months. I look at photos and I think: he can't be gone; it's just not possible. How can someone be going along and living life so much and so exuberantly and then just... not be there.
I was talking to my mom about it today. She says she's been missing him a lot since she moved into the condo. She went for a walk along Kits Beach where they had spent their formative years and wished he had been there. She said, "It's not like I'm 75". She has a lot of years left ahead of her and it's really goddamn sad when you think about it. It's sad for all of us.
I had really looked forward to seeing him more often when they moved into the condo. I hoped that Vancouver hadn't changed too much for him and that him and my mom would spend lots of time exploring and revisiting it. But as much as I hoped for that, I really couldn't see him in a condo in Vancouver.
My mom says she just tries not to think about it. I'm not sure if that's the right way or not. If I think about it I will cry. I can cry on the bus, when I'm running, when I'm at work, when I'm standing on the corner waiting for the light to change. I can cry right now.
All I can do is to keep on going and to try and be a happier and better person than I was before and to take all the things he was and all the things he taught me and incorporate them into my life, and in that regard he will not be gone, he will always be here with me.
2 comments:
I'd miss your dad, too. He sounded funny. I'd love a parent like your dad.
Keep bringing out the quotes.
It's been 15 years since my dad passed. And I can cry almost instantly when I think about him. i almost cried yesterday when I thought how happy he'd have been at the election outcome. It's hard, but it does get better. But it never goes away, you don't want it to go away. I'm just so thankful my kids knew their grandparents. Now they can tell their kids, oh wait my kids aren't having kids....
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