I have never admitted this to anyone. I lie. I admitted it to Michael on Sunday night. I feel like if I go to sleep I might miss something and so I stay up infinitely later than I should even though I know nothing of any great consequence will occur.
I'm not an entirely stupid person. I recognize that going to sleep is akin to death and, really, who wants to die? I, currently, do not want to die which is why I wear a bike helmet these days. And not necessarily always on the bike.
I have another affliction which has, say, in the last two years, been exacerbated. That is my ability to relax. I don't. Pretty much ever. I get to a restaurant and it's over before it's begun. When I am at work I always envision all this lax time that I will spend rather languidly when it comes my way but in reality? I can't sit still. I timed myself in 15 minute increments while sunning myself in the park today. Some people might've just been happy to fall asleep in the sun, but. I was on a schedule.
Fundamentally: I need to get a grip on this. It's 11.21pm and I have to work tomorrow and I guarantee I won't be in bed before midnight. It's a lesser version of the panic attacks I had that ended up with me watching the sun come up in my place of work downtown.
It is.
Worrying about it doesn't change it.
There are a specific number of occurrences that had to take place to get you to where you are right now.
Those experiences far outweigh whatever it is that you're anxious about at this instant.
2 comments:
Are you one of those people who drum your fingers during corpse pose in yoga?
Ha. No. It took me a while, but I ended up being one of those people that could quite easily fall asleep after yoga.
That was awessome.
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