Good evening, sports fans.Have you listened to Paolo Nutini's "Pencil Full of Lead"? I think I would like to make it my theme song.
So, some months ago I read Tolle's "A New Earth". I didn't review it entirely too kindly. And I allowed it to mostly fall from the periphery of my memory. I do remember Po saying that she did re-read random segments of it from time to time to refresh herself.
Today, after a conversation with my mom, I let the book fall open to a random page that talked about negative thinking. It read "the voice in your head will be telling sad, anxious, or angry stories about yourself or your life,about other people, about past, future, or imaginary events. The voice will be blaming, accusing, complaining, imagining. And you are totally identified with whatever the voice says, believe all its distorted thoughts. At that point, the addiction to unhappiness has set in."
I'm not a happy person. I'm unhappy, depressive, self-destructive, egotistic, guilt-ridden, angry, argumentative, self-doubting and hyper-analytical. I'm a joy to be around.
But I think a lot of people are like this to greater or lesser extents. And it's what you do with it. I know people that have lost more, that have less, that have to fight harder, jump through hoops, that don't catch breaks like having random bottles of wine tossed in their direction, and they go through life with a smile on their face. And they contribute. You come away from an interaction with these people feeling buoyed and exuberant about life. What the fuck do people think after running into me?
I do believe it's a choice. I've got this one life and I've got this one hand that I've been dealt and I need to deal with it. The next purchase, achievement, accolade, ten pounds, promotion, conquest will not give me what I need. It's right now. It's immediate. I can control it.
In the next five minutes I can dwell on the things that I did wrong, I can loathe what I see in the mirror, I can create fantasies about what the future might hold or I can just be, without thinking.
I think for a very, very long time I have been too afraid to participate in my own life and to take the chances that I think are necessary to make it the life I want.
4 comments:
You got it! That book is a two timer, you have to read it two times. And use a highlighter and tab the pages.
nice post. thanks.
Are we sharing the same soul or something? I like to think of you as being a better (female) version of me 15 years ago. I still think that you are. However, my fingers are triple crossed in hopes that 15 years from now, you don't fall into every friggin' hole that I've fallen into. I will still need you to be that better version. The "what I could have been if I'd had a uterus."
What's a uterus?
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